TILL DEATH DOES US APART !!!

If we want to take seriously the words the minister, shaikh or judge would utter as we exchange rings, our lives are now joined in one unbroken circle. This means putting our collective interests first, and our individual interests second, if we could do that, the marriage would be better for both parties.

But we have seen too many friends and parents relations go so badly or end up in divorce, the calculating part of my brain reasons that, if I put myself second, and my spouse puts herself first, she would get a good deal from our marriage, but I wouldn't. In other words, I risk being taken for a schmuck who romantically fail to protect his own interest.

Most couples have similar thoughts. They even discuss the problem and agree that they really would not be egotistical in the marriage. But neither could be sure the other would keep their part of the bargain, so the safest course of action for both is to secretly look out for themselves. That inevitably mean the marriage would not be as good as it could have been. But surely it was the only rational course of action to take, or is it ???

Something doesn't sound right. Two people are trying rationally to decide what is in their best interests. If they both act in a certain way, the best outcome for both of them is assured. But if one acts differently, he or she secures all the advantages and the other is left worse off. And so, to insure against this happening, neither does what is best if both do it, and so both end up with an outcome which is worse than it could have been.

Our dilemma is so poignant, as our ability to trust and communicate has been eroded by long years of wrong assessments in our modern times marriages.

Who can blame us for our scepticism though ??

If there is a wider moral to this tale, perhaps it is that trust and better communication, though it involves a certain amount of non rational risk-taking, is required to get the most out of life. It is true that if we trust others, we have ourselves open to exploitation, but if we don't, we close ourselves off from the possibilities of what is best in life. Again putting our collective interests first, and our individual interests second, should be the guide to our frame of mind, of course till death does us apart, salamat.