A large part of how we feel about life , relations , and the concept of "we" are shaped by the emotions we have had , and expect to have , or so believes R. Nozick .
Our own well-being is directly linked with that of someone ( or something as in a country ) we love . When something bad or good happens to one we love , something as good or bad happens to us .
What is normally called "we" , is the unison and constitution of a new entity in the world by two people , an entity requiring each of us to want the other to feel the same way about us .
When we form this entity , the "we" , we create a new concept , affecting not only our well-being but also our autonomy , we put limitations on our own decision-making power and rights , most decisions can no longer be made independently , and I'm talking about daily and/or strategical and calculated decisions ; where to live , how to live , who to befriend , having children and how many , travel plans , whether to go to the movies that night and what to see , even the type of foods , just to accommodate the other .
To be part of a "we" concept involves having a new identity , an additional one if you like , as we drift and become psychologically part of the other's identity , we see and place ourselves as part of the "we".
When two people form a "we" they often try to think , and interact with the outside world as a unit . We all in "we" relations , want to possess the other , yet each also needs to be independent , dominating acts could destroy a "we" concept .
A good "we" would be in seeing the other happy with us , and made happy through our love , we then become happier with ourselves . We all pass through phases of doubt about another's love , about the reciprocity of feelings , only after long times and experiences together , through arguments and crises , can we come to know the other's trustworthiness , reliability , resiliency , and compassion in hardship . The energy we spend in doubting might be better invested in improving our current "we" .
The longing to feel that the other is constantly the right partner in our "we" also helps to fortify our inevitable moments of togetherness when the feeling itself , sometimes , becomes bruised .
The major concern of many of us "we" ers , and what we dwell upon and nourish , often and in most cases , is the other person , and what holds between the two , not our own state or ourselves as an endpoint of the relation .
I'm indebted to M. Gilbert , and the original thinker Nozick , for their inspiring words and ideas throughout their illuminating works . And as usual my thanks to all my good readers for their time and patience .
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